Twenty Literary Characters I Would Date, Part I

This will have me tied up for at least four days. I brainstormed twenty characters from books that I, at one point in my life, was in love with. Then I put them in order by determining, on a scale of one to ten, how well they fit four factors I find appealing in literary men:

• Hottness: Self-explanatory; often linked to my favorite TV or movie portrayal of the character
• Likeability: If that character existed today and asked me out, Likeability measures how attractive I would find their personality and behavior. 
• Byronicness: How Byronic are they? 
• Woobieness: A woobie is a character that is tragic and sympathetic because of outside circumstances. I made this list a few months ago and many of my favorite characters were quite low because they weren't Byronic. This statistic allows non-antiheroes a chance to rank higher. If their Woobieness is established by a Dark and Troubled Past, though, then it also contributes to their Byronicness.

20. Legolas

• Books: The Lord of the Rings series by J.R.R. Tolkien
• Hottness: 8
• Likeability: 7
• Byronicness: 0
• Woobieness: 10
• Total: 16

Reasoning: Legolas was my ultimate dream guy when I was in middle school. To this day my room is covered with posters of him and a life-sized stand up resides by my desk. As I grew up I no longer found blonde hair attractive, though. And, let’s be honest, he has very little characterization, and that gives him nothing in the final two categories. The one Woobieness point is a pity point; I didn’t want him to have two zeroes. On the other hand, he seems like a pretty nice guy, if a bit more jubilant than I like. 

Portrayal: Orlando Bloom in the films. This was the role that put Orly at the top of my Ten Hottest Guys List for many years. Unfortunately, not even brunette Will Turner could keep him from being demoted to fourth as I grew out my fad. 

19. Hamlet

• Book: Hamlet by William Shakespeare
• Hottness: 4
• Likeability: 4
• Byronicness: 7
• Woobieness: 10
• Total: 25

Reasoning: Hamlet is the reason for the new Woobieness category. His tragedy is, in my mind, his most defining characteristic. The Byronicness score is further enhanced by his “insanity.” Although I believe that he wasn’t really crazy, if he behaved that way around me I would still hold it against him whether it was an act or not. In other words, it doesn’t make him very Likeable. His Hotness is entirely subject to my vision of him; see below. 

Portrayal: Laurence Olivier is the golden standard when it comes to anything Shakespeare. He is very attractive with his head of gorgeous dark hair . . . wait! He DYED it?! Why?! If he played Hamlet as a brunette, he would’ve scored a 9 in Hotness. But he didn’t, and it’s too bad for him.

18. Caspian X

• Books: The Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis
• Hottness: 10
• Likeability: 8
• Byronicness: 3
• Woobieness: 6
• Total: 27

Reasoning: There was a five-way tie at 27 points between Caspian X, F’lar, Dracula, Mr. Darcy, and John Brooke. Poor Caspian came out the worst because he was a “classical hero” while the others were or at least leaned towards antihero at some point in their stories.






Because of that, Caspian was deducted points in Likeability for being too perfectly flawless. In my world antiheroes fare much better in that category because they’re more lifelike. He also benefited from the new Woobieness statistic since he is only minimally Byronic. Any points he earned in the latter came from the former’s Dark and Troubled Past. 

Portrayal: There were many inconsistencies between the newest Prince Caspian movie and the book, and only one I liked. In the book Caspian is a blonde; in the movie the director had the good sense to make him a brunette. That, in addition to Ben Barnes’s natural good looks, positively affected his Hotness score. Barnes’s accent could enter into Narm land sometimes, but overall his performance embodied Caspian’s character very well. Fortunately the accent was dropped in the third movie.

17. F'lar 

• Books: The Dragonriders of Pern series by Anne McCaffrey
• Hottness: 10
• Likeability: 10
• Byronicness: 3
• Woobieness: 4
• Total: 27

Reasoning: F’lar is the weyrleader of Benden Weyr and uses his reasoning and research skills to save Pern over and over again. Like Caspian X he is a classical hero, but maintains enough rough edges to pull him ahead. Although some of his behavior isn’t very Likeable (i.e. slapping Lessa and constantly being very rude to her), I’ll ignore it in name of Values Dissonance since the first books were written in the 1960s. He stopped acting like that in later ones. He is a rare example of a character on this list with a low Byronicness score that is independent of Woobieness. His Woobie status is caused by the idiots his highly competent mind has to deal with, while his Byronic status is based on snarkiness. 

 

Maybe I like F’lar so much because I resemble his wife, Lessa, quite a bit. Both of us have frizzy, uncontrollable hair, a petite build, and strong will. The only difference between us is a) location, and b) hair color. She has gorgeous pitch black tresses. 

Portrayal: There is a Dragonflight movie in the making, but it’s been in Development Hell for years and doesn’t look like it will be made anytime soon. The photo above is from officially released Dragonriders of Pern merchandise and summarizes my vision of F’lar very well. I think Eric Bana looks right for the part, with Christina Ricci as Lessa and Orlando Bloom as F’nor, F’lar’s half-brother. 

16. John Brook

• Books: Little Women and Little Men by Louisa May Alcott
• Hottness: 10
• Likeability: 10
• Byronicness: 2
• Woobieness: 5
• Total: 27

Reasoning: See the photo to the left? Let me clarify right now: that is NOT how John Brooke looks, but it’s the only portrayal I could possibly find a picture of. See below. Moving on . . . for now.

If I made this list when I was eleven John Brooke would’ve topped it. I always loved his grave, stoic demeanor and kuudere temperament. It’s my goal to marry a guy like him in real life, making him the most Likeable character on this list. In literary characters, though, I want someone a bit more flawed. His woobie backstory gave him a few Woobieness points and two generous Byronicness ones. His tragic death in Little Men raised his Woobieness score even more. When I read the book at age ten I thought he was the hottest character in it. And for my discussion of that . . .

Portrayal: I’ve yet to see anyone portray him the way I’ve always imagined, but Cliff Potts in the 1978 movie came the closest. His acting was spot-on and he had the right coloring, but it wouldn’t hurt to lose the round face, dimples and gain a few inches of height. At least that version had the “Aunt March Settles the Question” scene, unlike some versions . . . Speaking of that, whoever cast the redhaired, underdeveloped, stuttering nerd shown above in the 1994 production deserves to be shot. No, that’s too benevolent. It (and such a person is an it) needs to suffer the hom-dai along with Imhotep from the Mummy movies. Only then can it possibly atone for its horrible casting decision. Despite its good points (i.e. Winona Ryder and Christian Bale), I cannot see the 1994 production because watching “John Brooke” is like being stabbed in the stomach repeatedly with a dull kitchen knife. Being gang raped and murdered in a dark alley is less painful. It’s like seeing a childhood dream and adult ideal break like a glass castle in the air around you. The broken pieces fly into your skin and dig into your heart as it cries out for mercy that the movie will not deliver. 

Next Topic: Twenty Literary Characters I Would Date, Part II (#15-11)
Listening To: "Dominion" by the Sisters of Mercy
Reading: Still struggling through Paradise Lost. I think I might give up on it and start rereading Dracula.

Book Review: Kisses From Hell

It is time to do my first book review, but my excitement is waned by the wish that the book, an anthology of vampire short stories I bought last Saturday at a local bookstore, is better. I had high hopes for it; its authors were teen fiction celebrities such as Kristin Cast, Alyson Noël, and Kelley Armstrong. Some lived up their reputation while others did not.

1. "Sunshine" by Richelle Mead
Character Development: 10
Storyline: 6
Vampires: 3
This was a very good choice for the first selection. It was very well-written, had interesting, developed characters, and left a really good impression on the reader. None of the future stories matched its character development because they painted their characters as stereotypes, whereas Mead presented us, in the first sentence no less, with the protagonist's strengths and faults, causing the reader to relate to him before the story even began.

The story goes like this: A group of around 30 Moroi vampires just graduated from high school and are taking a yacht to a private island to celebrate. Just before the yacht arrives Strigori vampires attack but are staked by dhampir guardians. The protagonist's mother was killed by Strigori so he was troubled the attack, but his girlfriend and most of the other graduates are laughing about it. On the boat the protagonist, Eric, meets Rhea, the fiancee of one of his classmates, the only other person shaken by the Strigori and who remembers the accident where his mother died. The rest of the plot is predictable: Eric and Rhea find themselves attracted to each other, some external circumstance forces them to be alone in each other's company for an extended period of time where they realize they love each other, Eric saves Rhea's life, and they break up with their girlfriend/fiance. I would've rated the story higher if the final four chapters didn't come straight out of the "How to Write a Romantic Comedy" handbook.

I have major problems with the "vampires" presented in the novel. The Moroi are described as "live" vampires compared to the Strigori . . . wait! Aren't vampires described as UNDEAD creatures of the night for a reason? The dead part is rather important. I would look over that if other common vampiric signs were present, but the Moroi can go out in sunlight without any problems, eat human food, and lack super strength or speed to the extent that a human "feeder" (bloodbank) is a worthy opponent. Really. The dhampir guardians are more badass than they are, as are the real vampires Strigori. I never felt like I was reading a vampire novel, so it's good I read this anthology before going onto Mead's Vampire Academy series which takes place in the same world.

2. "Bring Me to Life" by Alyson Noël
Character Development: 4
Storyline: 8
Vampires: 9
This is my favorite story in the collection. It follows Danika Kavanaugh as she arrives at a prestigious art academy full of mysteries. The only other student there is a boy named Bram even though there was supposed to be five. Danika keeps having this dream she is trying to paint which comes to life in a dramatic ballroom scene where the sensuous dream guy, Lucian, comes to life and needs her kiss to complete him. Bram comes in and stops her, telling her Lucian is a vampire who needs her soul to complete him. Danika listens to Bram and Lucian is destroyed. She wakes up to find out that she was part of a love triangle between twins Bram and Lucian and destroyed the mansion as she tried to leave it. The art school was a  tool to get her to return so her presence could rebuild the place. It reminded me of The Vampire Diaries meets Beauty and the Beast, and the scenery was magnificent. Very enjoyable and well-written.

The vampire elements are weak in the story, but they are, from what was given, true vampires. Immortal, survive on blood, and undead. The only thing I dislike is that vampires weren't prominent enough to develop it as a true vampire short story.

3. "Above" by Kristin Cast
Character Development: 0
Storyline: 0
Vampires: 0
Kristin Cast. Coauthor of the best-selling

House of Night 

series. 

I will not read. Ritualistic paganism and goddess worship.
                       I hate.

Random MacGuffin. 

Still well-written, very well-written, a million 

and THOUSAND

and a bajillion times better than the Twilight.                                           saga. 

"Above".                            Not.                                              that.
A million times worse.
than ANYTHING.
Stephenie Meyer's pen wrote.

Big-lipped Alligator Moment. 

Complete 

randomness. 

Publisher deserves to be SHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTSHOT. now!!!!!!!! 

No. 

sentence. 

longer. 

than. 

twenty. 

words. EVEREVEREVEREVEREVEREVEREVEREVEREXCEPTFORTHESELONGWORDREPEATSEVERVEREVEREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! No plot. 

sucks.sucks.sucks.sucks.sucks.

Where to begin? Almost the entire thing is written like the above "paragraph," except this word processor does not let me randomly throw the sentences around the page enough. I also think that paragraph is slightly understandable, a claim "Above" does not have. No sentence is longer than twenty words, punctuation in the middle of sentences causes thousands of fragments, random capitalization and repeated words, excessive use of exclamation marks, and paragraphs spliced up all over the page in what must be an editor's nightmare. It automatically scored a zero in all the categories because I was unable to follow it. Is it a vampire novel? How should I know? What is the plot? If there is one, I will need the Rosetta Stone to discover it. There are occasional clear paragraphs, but they serve no purpose when I cannot understand 98% of it. I wonder just how much of the House of Night series Kristin Cast actually wrote . . .

4. "Hunting Kat" by Kelley Armstrong
Character Development: 7
Storyline: 6
Vampires: 4
This was a nice reprieve after suffering through "Above." Kelley Armstrong is one of my favorite authors, and her Darkest Powers series is the best written paranormal romance popular today. "Hunting Kat" takes place in the same world as that series, so I was super-hyped to see what her vampires would be like, something I had been wondering ever since I read The Summoning. I was disappointed. They can go out in sunlight with no problem, eat human food (although that one might be a result of genetic modification), have slightly enhanced senses, and lack super strength and speed. At least they're dead, but still. Werewolves are more powerful. Why do modern authors feel so original debunking traditional vampire characteristics? It is no longer original. Original would be following Dracula's characteristics word-for-word, since no one has done that in the last ten years.

The story is excellent: A newly-made vampire, Kat, is in an automobile accident and taken to a prison where she meets two other vampires, although they haven't died yet and aren't full-fledged vampires. They escape and one of them, Chad, is revealed to not only not be a vampire, but a secret agent for the Edison Group. Kat and the Simon expy knock him out and go on their way. They argue, Kat runs ahead, and comes back to find the Simon expy has been captured. She frees him and meets up with her vampire guardian. As a short story, it's poor. There are a lot of unanswered questions and a very open ending, but it would make a great chapter at the beginning of a novel, which I think is its purpose. The lack of characterization may also be the result of that.

5. "Lilith" by Francesca Lia Block
Characterization: 8
Storyline: 7
Vampires: 10
Finally, good old-fashioned vampires! Undead, dislike sunlight, preference for black clothing . . . it's all there. A well-deserved ten.

The protagonist is a geeky loner who daydreams about a science fiction world he is creating. Then he meets Lilith, another social outcast named Lilith, who turns him into a vampire. Together they kill the bullies that made Paul Michael's life living hell, and Lilith runs off, leaving Paul Michael to take comfort in his vampirism. The story is straightforward, but the twist at the end is very interesting. It's also the only one that portrayed vampires with complexity: yes, living forever is a gift, but it can also be a curse.

Listening to: "Tears of an Angel" by Ryandan
Reading: I'm back to Paradise Lost

Duncan Regehr Month

Duncan Regehr is the most tragically unknown actor ever. I was going to write that sentence as "tragically unknown and underrated actor," but his problem is only a small fanbase. He is very highly rated by those who follow his career. He is most notable for his ability to adapt accents for roles, his height (6'5"), muscular build, dark good looks, powerful stage presence, and a voice that is like dark chocolate: rich, elegant, aristocratic, and refined. That is the only term that can properly describe is beauty. I am going to spend August honoring several movies and TV shows featuring the man behind that voice.

Biography:
Duncan Regehr was born in Canada on October 5, 1952. When he was twenty-eight he began acting professionally, but had already been a champion figure skater, Olympic boxing contender, classically trained Shakespearean actor,  and radio show host at the age of 16. I have no idea what the show was about, but with his voice he could make the New York stock exchange sound riveting.

Prince Dirk Blackpool of Wizards and Warriors: Evil shouldn't look that good.

His first notable role was as Captain Randolph in the Civil War mini-series The Blue and the Gray. The next year he played the aristocratic villain in the short-lived TV series Wizards and Warriors, my favorite role. Despite its popularity, it was cancelled after eight episodes. The next year he moved from black leather-clad bad guys to loincloth-clad gladiators in The Last Days of Pompeii. It was very, very nice.

One of his favorite roles, he has said in interviews, was Errol Flynn in My Wicked, Wicked Ways. His portrayal of Dracula in The Monster Squad was named the 30th Greatest Villain of All Time. I prefer a Byronic approach to Dracula myself, but his monstrous Dracula was still elegant, aristocratic, manipulative, completely evil, and very enjoyable to watch.

The New World Zorro series aired on the Family Channel was, hands down, his most famous role. He proved that he can act interesting good guys almost as good as evil aristocrats as the classic swash-buckling hero. And he wore black. He looks very good in black.

 An example of his artwork

It's ironic that a man known for playing primarily villains is one of the nicest, most talented actors around. He's been married for over 40 years to one woman, writes poetry, sculpts, and is an award-winning artist. He received the Royal Canadian Artist title by the Royal Canadian Academy of Arts in 2000. Unlike most actor/artist combinations, he actually makes a solid living off selling his artwork. I do not like his art because I dislike that style in general, but can see how other people would think it is very good.

Websites:
Official Site
IMDb Profile
Wikipedia Article
Fansite

Future Articles:
Movie Review: The Monster Squad
Movie Review: The Haunting of Lisa
TV Review: Wizards and Warriors
TV Review: Zorro
Duncan Regehr's Artwork (possibly)
Other movies (to be decided)

Listening to: "Lucretia, My Reflection" by the Sisters of Mercy
Reading: A collection of vampire short stories

Movie Review: The Village

One of my guilty pleasures is reading movie reviews of films I've already watched and writing my own that identify what I think is most important about the movie the others left out. I watched The Village last year because of Tuomas Holopainen and was upset to see that none of the reviews captured the essence of the film, so I think it's only right that I post my thoughts on one of the best movies I've ever seen.

The world can be a very dark place sometimes. Loved ones are mugged, raped, murdered, and lost to us forever. But what if we created a place where none of that existed? That is the theme of M. Night Shyalaman's 2004 film The Village. A group of scared, lonely adults and their children are gathered together by a history professor, Edward Walker (William Hurt), who proposes that they create a village deep in the forest where they can escape the evils of "the town." Five to six families settle the village and raise a new generation, all around the same age, within its Puritan-influenced landscape. The children learn to fear "the town" because the elders tell elaborate stories about the creatures that inhabit the woods between the village and the rest of the world. On occasion they dress up like those creatures to ensure their legends are taken seriously.

All that ends when a child is murdered. The elders blame it on the creatures, but they know otherwise. Then small animals start being killed in the night. The tranquility of the village is ruined. Meanwhile, the younger generation finds consolation in blooming romance, particularly between Lucius Hunt (Joaquin Phoenix) and Ivy Walker (Bryce Dallas Howard).

It is very interesting to see modern age meets Puritan village, despite the fact that the elders wanted to escape anything modern. Children with deformities were looked down upon and locked up for thousands of years; only recently have their treatment been humane. Yet a mentally retarded man, played by Adrian Brody, and blind Ivy are treated with as much respect and love as their companions. Lucius, in fact, chooses to marry Ivy instead of her beautiful, normal older sister.

The Village's true appeal is in its music. Nightwish composer Tuomas Holopainen said it has the most beautiful film soundtrack he's ever heard, and is justified. It's some of the most hauntingly gorgeous and suspense-filled music I've ever heard, so much that composer James Newton Howard won his fourth Academy Award nomination for Best Original Score from it.

M. Night Shyamalan also proved his sometimes doubted directing abilities. The film literally has you sitting on the edge of your seat in parts, especially when the creatures go through the village breaking into homes and leaving scars on the doors while the entire cast flees to the cellars. The camera angles, music, and acting all contribute to those being some of the scariest scenes ever produced in cinema. Even after you realize that the creatures are nothing more than a farce put on by the village elders they still haunt your dreams.

In the end Ivy is told the truth about the creatures and the elders are forced to look back at their past, which were kept symbolically hidden in locked strongboxes. The village realizes that no one can run from evil in the world; human nature is flawed, so evil will follow you wherever you go.

Listening to: "In Joy and Sorrow" by HIM
Reading: Still going through the writing book

Tropes and Schemes: Nightwish English Project

I had the opportunity last semester to do an individual, open-ended project on English usage where I studied the use of rhetorical strategies in Nightwish's lyrics. For those individuals who have not attended an English class in a while, rhetorical strategies are split into two categories: tropes, how juxtaposed words are related, and schemes, how a sentence or something larger is arranged. After looking deeper into Tuomas's lyrics I appreciated his genius more than ever before - especially because English isn't even his first language.

Unfortunately I am unable to upload the powerpoint presentation, but if anyone knows how I would be pleased if he/she would comment on it.

1. Parallelism of Words
Definition: Where similar words are arranged in parallel (same) order
Example: "Elvenpath" from Angels Fall First

The moonwitch took me to a ride on her broomstick

Introduced me to her old friend home gnome

Told me to keep the sauna warm for him

At the grove I met the rest, the folk of my fantasies:

Bilbo, sparhawk, goblins and pixies, 

Snowman, willow, trolls and the seven dwarves

The path goes forever on

2. Parallelism of Phrases
Definition: Where similar phrases are arranged in parallel order
Example: "Wanderlust" from Wishmaster

I want to see where the sirens sing

Hear how the wolves howl

Sail the dead calm waters of the Pacific

Dance in the fields of coral

Be blinded by the white

Discover the deepest jungle

I want to find the Secret Path

A bird delivered into my heart

3. Antithesis of Words
Definition: It is similar to Parallelism of Words, except contrasting ideas are arranged in similar order
Example: "Sacrament of Wilderness" from Oceanborn

Naked in midwinter magic lies an angel in the snow

The frozen figure crossed by tracks of wolves

An encounter symbolic yet truthful

With a hungry choir of wolves

An agreement immemorial to be born

4. Antithesis of Clauses
Definition: Contrasting clauses are arranged in similar order
Example: "Creek Mary's Blood" from Once

Wandering on Horizon Road

Following the Trail of Tears

White man came, saw the blessed land

We cared, you took. You fought, we lost. 

Not the war but an unfair fight

Sceneries painted beautiful in blood

5. Antimetabole
Definition: A word or phrase is used in another clause but as a different part of speech. A famous example is John F. Kennedy's, "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country" is a famous example.
Example: "Bye Bye Beautiful" from Dark Passion Play

It's not the tree that forsakes the flower,

But the flower that forsakes the tree

Someday I'll learn to love these scars

Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words

6.  Rhetorical Question
Definition: A question that's meant to make an assertion or produce an effect, but not a reply
Example: "Bye Bye Beautiful" from Dark Passion Play

How blind can you be, don't you see

That the gambler lost all he does not have?

Did you ever hear what I told you?

Did you ever read what I wrote you?

Did you ever listen to what we played?

Did you ever let in what the world said?

Did we get this far just to feel your hate?

Did we play to become only pawns in the game?

How blind can you be, don't you see?

You chose the long road but we'll be waiting. 

Bye Bye Beautiful

Bye Bye Beautiful

Bye Bye Beautiful

Bye Bye Bye Bye

7. Alliteration
Definition: A sound repeated at the beginning of words
Example: "Sleeping Sun" from Oceanborn

Sorrow has a human heart

From my God it will depart

I'd sail before a thousand moons

Never finding where to go

Two hundred twenty-two days of light

Will be desired by a night

A moment for the poet's play

Until there's nothing left to say

8. Anaphora
Definition: A series of phrases beginning with the same word
Example: "The Poet and the Pendulum" from Dark Passion Play

Sparkle my scenery with turquoise waterfall

With beauty underneath, the Ever Free

Tuck me in beneath the blue,

Beneath the pain, beneath the rain

Goodnight kiss for a child in time

Swaying blade my lullaby

9. Epistrophe
Definition: A series of phrases ending with the same word
Example: "The Poet and the Pendulum" from Dark Passion Play

Everyone must bury their own

No pack to bury the heart of stone

Now he's home in hell, serves him well

Slain by the bell tolling for his farewell

The morning dawned upon his altar

Remains of the Dark Passion Play

Performed by his friends without shame

Spitting on his grave as they came

Getaway, runaway, fly away,

 Lead me astray to dreamer's hideaway

I cannot cry 'cause the shoulder cries more

I cannot die, I, a whore for the cold world

Forgive me, I have but two faces

One for the world, one for God. Save me!

I cannot cry 'cause the shoulder cries more

I cannot die, I, a whore for the cold world

10. Assonance
Definition: A series of phrases ends in the same sound, not necessarily the same word
Examples: "Two for Tragedy" from Wishmaster and "Kuolema Tekee Taiteilijan" from Once

Sleep Eden sleep, my fallen son

Slumber in peace. Cease the pain,

Life's just in vain, for us to gain, 

Nothing but all the same.

Sinussa maailman kauneus

Josta kuolema teki minusta taiteilijan

Luojani, luoksesi anna minun tulla

Siksi miksi lapseni minua luulee

11. Anadiplosis
Definition: The end of one clause or phrase begins the next clause or phrase
Example: "Dead Boy's Poem" from Wishmaster

"I live no more to shame,

Nor me, nor you. I'm sorry."

Born from silence, silence full of it

A perfect concert my best friend

So much to live for, so much to die for

If only my heart had a home

12. Climax
Definition: Related ideas arranged from least to most intense
Example: "Beauty of the Beast" from Century Child

All of my songs can only be composed of the greatest of pains

Every single verse can only be borne of the greatest of wishes

I wish I had one more night to live

"Oh, sweet Christabel, share with me your poem. For I know now, I"m a puppet on this silent stage show. I'm but a poet who failed his best play. A dead boy who failed to write an ending to each of his poems."

13. Metaphor
Definition: Comparing two objects without using like or as
Example: "Astral Romance" from Angels Fall First

Departed from the guillotine of death

I received a letter from the depth

The dream of my lover it carried inside

Caressed by the sharpest knife

I asked you to be my wife

Rays of the setting sun

Were my tears wept upon promises undone

14. Simile
Definition: Comparing two objects using like or as
Example: "Astral Romance" from Over the Hills and Far Away

This constant longing for your touch

This bitter ocean of hatred and pain

This loneliness I need to be who I am

The oceans are as alone as I 

Somebody take away this gift of mine

No charisma for the beast

But still I love you forevermore

15. Synechdote
Definition: Using a part of a whole to stand for the entire thing
Example: "Angels Fall First" from Angels Fall First

An angelface smiles to me

Under a headline of tragedy

That smile used to give me warmth

Farewell, no words to say

Beside the cross on your grave

And those forever burning candles

16. Metonymy
Definition: An adjective or related thing used to represent something else - very similar to synechdote
Examples: "Ocean Soul" from Century Child and "Dead Boy's Poem" from Wishmaster

Long hours of loneliness between me and the sea

Losing emotion, finding devotion

Should I dress in white and search the sea

As I always wished to be, one with the waves

Oh, Ocean Soul

A lonely soul . . .

An Ocean Soul . . .

A lonely soul . . .

An Ocean soul . . .

17. Periphrasis
Definition: A round-about way of expressing a simpler concept
Example: "Amaranth" from Dark Passion Play
Note: To understand this example, Amaranth is Greek for "immortal"

You believe, but what you see

You receive, but what you give

Caress the one, the Never-fading

Rain in your heart the tears of snow-white sorrow

Caress the one, the hiding Amaranth

In a land of the daybreak

Caress the one, the Never-fading

Rain in your heart the tears of snow-white sorrow

Caress the one, the hiding Amaranth

In a land of the daybreak

18. Personification
Definition: Giving human qualities to inanimate objects
Example: "Higher than Hope" from Once

Time, it took the most of me

And left me with no key

To unlock the chest of memories

Mother, the pain ain't hurting me

But the love that I feel

When you hold me near

Looking back at it, I should have used shorter clips. I also wish the sound worked on the powerpoint.

Listening To: "Nemo" by Nightwish
Reading: I put Paradise Lost aside and am going through Writing Tools: 50 Essential Strategies for Every Writer by Roy Peter Clark

Top Ten Old Nightwish Songs

It may seem taboo to say this, but it's okay to listen to both old and new Nightwish. I like Tarja's voice better than Anette's, but can't think of a song that can top "The Poet and the Pendulum," except perhaps something off Imaginarium. With that album I may have enough songs to do a somewhat accurate "Top Ten New Nightwish Songs." To make it fair the best of Old Nightwish deserves to be mentioned, too. This list is made up of entirely my own opinions, but I'd be glad to hear of anyone else's thoughts on them and their own top ten in the comments. 

I can't describe how hard this was to make. There were so many amazing songs to chose from, and it felt like I was sacrificing a child when one of my favorites wasn't able to make the list. If I missed one of your favorites, it probably hurt to not include it.

10. "Wishmaster" from Wishmaster

 

I listen to a new album in stages: First, I hear the entire thing at one time. Then I listen to one song off the album about 100 times in a row until I get tired of it. Next, I move on to another song from the album and so on until I've exhausted it. "Wishmaster" is one of the few Nightwish songs that never had more than 5 plays in a row. The melody isn't an ear worm as much as other songs. 

Then why did it make tenth on my list? Because it was the first Old Nightwish song I ever heard. ("Amaranth" was the first ever.) I began to like Nightwish because I saw this song mentioned on Wikipedia under the Inspired by Lord of the Rings article. And as a LotR nerd, I simply adore the first verse. ("Oh, Elbereth . . . Oh, Lórien . . .") It may not be the best song Tuomas ever composed, but it has sentimental memories for me.

9. "Fantasmic" from Wishmaster

 

"Fantasmic" is another one of those songs I never listened to at least 100 times in a row, and for the same reason as "Wishmaster": It's not an earworm for me. I love song, but can't hear it for too long without losing interest. Most of Wishmaster is that way, with the exceptions of "She is My Sin", "Dead Boy's Poem", and "Come Cover Me".

This song made the list for two reasons: a) It was one of the three Tarja-era lengthy epics, and b) it's a ten-minute metal dedication to Walt Disney! That's not something every band comes out with. It reminds me of my childhood and makes me feel like a nerd every time. Tuomas's lyrics are wonderfully fascinating, especially in the last two parts where you can spend at least an hour deciphering all the Disney allusions. The voiceover from "Beauty and the Beast" fits perfectly into the song and adds to the atmosphere. Tarja also proved in the last part how incredibly, fantasmically fast she can sing. Look up the lyrics online if you want to hear them.

8. "Dead to the World" from Century Child

 

On the note of ear worms, this one made the list because it's the biggest Nightwish ear worm I've ever encountered. On the first listen-through of Century Child I had to listen to it twice before I could force myself to move onto "Ever Dream." Beyond that, I don't know why I like this song so much. I'm not exactly sure what the lyrics mean. I suppose I, and anyone else who never fit in, can relate to the title. But it's just so catchy . . .

7. "Sleeping Sun" from Oceanborn

 

In 1998 Tuomas was asked to write a song to honor an upcoming solar eclipse, and "Sleeping Sun" was the result. It was added to future releases of Oceanborn and is the only song from that era to have remained massively popular. It's easy to see why. The music creates an ethereal blanket of sound filled with Tarja's powerful, enchanting voice as she describes the desire to live forever in the dark, or else go down with the sun. The music is magical, the lyrics deep, and it is almost too beautiful to have come from the keyboard of a human composer.

6. "Ocean Soul" from Century Child

 

If I was given three wishes by a genie, one of them would be to teach an entire class about Nightwish. This would be one of the first songs the students would be lucky enough to memorize because it manages to portray the essence of Nightwish and Tuomas in 4 minutes and twenty seconds. When you count all the other Nightwish songs that reference the title ("Dead to the World", "Dead Boy's Poem", "Bless The Child", "Romanticide" . . .) its importance is only magnified. Like "Sleeping Sun," it's a completely ethereal song that's too glorious to have come from anyone but an Angel of Music. 

5. "Nemo" from Once

 

This is probably the most popular Old Nightwish song, but that doesn't make it bad. No, it deserves all of its fame. Also, it is not about the animated Pixar movie. At all. One of the darkest songs to date (and that's taking Dark Passion Play into account), "Nemo" explains how it feels when you have gone through hell and lost yourself. Like "Dead to the World," it is one of those songs that comforts those who have never belonged or even understood by the rest of the world. The music video is beautifully cinematographic and one of the few Nightwish videos that perfectly relates to the themes in the song. 

4. "Ghost Love Score" from Once

 

This is the second Tarja-era lengthy epic on the list, clocking in at almost ten minutes - and it is some of the best ten minutes of your life. Of the four long epics this is the only one that is not split into different movements, probably because it's far harder to identify them. "Ghost Love Score" is composed more like an orchestral piece than anything else.

I am not exactly sure what the meaning is, but I do know that it is a very complex, deep idea that only Tuomas knows. My favorite line is "Redeem me into childhood/Show me myself without the shell." That is an incredibly personal statement from the Oceansoul himself, relating how he wishes to go back to that innocence he had as a child. I think that's an ideal that a lot of Nightwish fans have. 

3. "Dead Boy's Poem" from Wishmaster

 

See? There are some Wishmaster songs I really like. On the other hand, it is the odd song out on that album where most the songs are about fantasy or lust. It would say it's the second darkest Nightwish song, and, hands down, the darkest one from Old Nightwish. "The Poet and the Pendulum" manages to top it, but only because Tuomas actually dies in that one.

"Dead Boy's Poem" is a farewell note written by Tuomas to his loved ones in case of his death. It's haunting to hear the voice of a young boy say, "So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me. I'm sorry. Time will tell, this bitter farewell. I live no more to shame, nor me, nor you. And you . . . I wish I didn't feel for you anymore" over a simple keyboard melody. There are no words to describe "the sweet piano writing down my life."

It is also a powerful deconstruction of the traditional verse-chorus-verse-chorus-chorus song development. The first few minutes seem to follow that order, but then the Dead Boy begins speaking and Tarja comes in with probably the simplest yet most beautiful song ending ever. Really, it's just six words, yet I can't think of a more majestic ending.

2. "Bless the Child" from Century Child

 

This is the most played Nightwish song on my mp3 player because it manages to combine all the majesty and beauty of a ten to fifteen minute epic song like "Ghost Love Score" in four minutes. One reason is the presence of spoken male vocals (the same voice, too, I believe) as in "Dead Boy's Poem." It also has the same theme as "Nemo" for an added angst benefit. To top it off, the operatic vocalizing at the beginning and end is just . . . amazing.

The music video to the song doesn't make much sense, though. I suppose it could, based on your interpretation, but I always thought the song was about an adult reflecting on their tragic, unloved childhood and wishing they could go back to improve it. 

1. "Beauty of the Beast" from Century Child

 

 

Century Child is probably my favorite Old Nightwish album, since four of its songs made this list. This is also the final Tarja-era long epic here, and the longest. Even more than "Ghost Love Score," which did have a decided chorus, "Beauty of the Beast" does not and subverts the traditional song structure far more. Each part stands alone and could be its own award-worthy classic song order subversion, which is why each has its own title. Together, though, they form a powerfully majestic work of art.

I personally believe this song is about The Phantom of the Opera for several reasons: 1) It followed Nightwish's cover of the title song on Century Child. 2) Part III is called Christabel and contains the lyrics, "Dear sweet Christabel, share with me your poem. For I now know, I'm a puppet on this silent stage show. I'm but a poet who failed his best play, a Dead Boy who failed to write an end to each of his poems." Doesn't that sound like something the Phantom would say? And the randomly dropped name is Christabel, the French form of Christine. 3) These lyrics in Part II ("One More Night to Live"): "My home is far, but the rest is lies so close with my long lost love under a black rose. You told I had the eyes of the wolf. Search them and find the Beauty of the Beast. All of my songs can only be composed of the greatest of pains. Every single verse can only be born of the greatest of wishes. I wish I had one more night to live." Andrew Lloyd Webber could fit those into the musical without any continuity problems. 4) The title. Seriously. It's even used word-for-word in the musical.

Unfortunately, I was only able to find one full-length video to the song that interpreted it the way I do while there were hundreds on videos on YouTube featuring Phantom of the Opera and "Beauty AND the Beast." Sigh. Still, The Phantom of the Opera only serves to make this song even more epic than it already was and guarantees its gold medal status.

Honorary Mention: Songs I couldn't bear to not exclude from this post.

From Angels Fall First: "Angels Fall First", "The Carpenter", "Elvenpath", "Astral Romance", "Tutankhamen"

From Oceanborn: "Gethsemane", "Sacrament of Wilderness", "The Pharaoh Sails to Orion"

From Wishmaster: "She Is My Sin", "Come Cover Me", "Two For Tragedy", "The Kinslayer", "Bare Grace Misery", "Deep Silent Complete"

From Over the Hills and Far Away: "Over the Hills and Far Away", "Astral Romance"

From Century Child: "Ever Dream", "Forever Yours", "Feel For You", "The Phantom of the Opera"

From Once: "Dark Chest of Wonders", "Planet Hell", "Creek Mary's Blood", "Kuolema Tekee Taiteilijan", "Higher Than Hope"

Listening To: "Beauty of the Beast" by Nightwish, of course

Reading: Onto Book II of Paradise Lost

The Three Common Interpretations of Wuthering Heights

I easily remember the first time I read Wuthering Heights. I began it right after I took my AP English first semester exam, and have considered the book my good luck charm ever since I received 98% on it. Maybe that's why its prose speaks to me more than Charlotte's. I love Jane Eyre and believe that it is overall better written, but when Emily's writing does surpass her sister's it's some of the best ever published in the English language. Take the "I am Heathcliff" soliloquy, for example - I am unable to read the passage just once. I have to reread it to marvel at the genius that constructed it. 

The 1970's edition of Wuthering Heights I bought at a used bookstore in Wyoming has about ten critical essays at the back, including the famous C.P. Sanger one. After reading those at least three times each and at least 100 reviews on the internet, I've narrowed down how people interpret the book to three categories. I've also seen four movies versions, read up on the others, and feel very justified in defining them.

Interpretation #1: The "Sweet" Catherine Earnshaw
"Sweet" is in quotation marks because a) anyone who's read the book knows that it is not true, and b) I'm quoting a review I read online that actually had the nerve to call her that. "Scarlett O'Hara is Great!" was my second title choice because the two heroines are eerily similar. This interpretation is defined by a very sympathetic view of Catherine, accounting all the evil in the novel to Heathcliff, Hindley, Nelly Dean, Mr. Earnshaw, Edgar Linton, or a combination of the above. Unfortunately, all the movies (except the 1939 version, where Catherine's representation is one of the few accurate points) portray this, hence its popularity among those who have not read the book yet. I'm going to focus on the films, since that's where this is most prevalent.

Sometimes the actress playing Catherine is stuck with "Sweet" Catherine Earnshaw, no matter how accurate she wants to be to the book. Charlotte Riley in the 2009 television movie had most of her character's selfish lines absent from the script. This version is very interesting because the DVD box makes Heathcliff seem like a possessive monster, yet the screenwriters gave Tom Hardy quite a few tragic, sympathetic lines that he took advantage of. People unfamiliar with the story would probably give the "antagonist" title to Nelly Dean or Hindley, whom the screenwriters didn't seem to like as much as the main characters.

Other times this is the fault of the actress. Juliette Binoche in the 1992 movie had lines where she could show the audience Catherine's vindictiveness, but spoke them like she was a victim of some sort of . . . nothing. If she had uttered them with a bit more selfishness they would've made more sense. Interpretation #1 was heightened by Ralph Fiennes, who, despite doing a wonderful job showing Heathcliff's cruelty, failed to show his tragic, sympathetic side between the first half hour and last five minutes of the film. On the other hand, he made a great Lord Voldemort. Actually, the only difference between Voldy and Heathcliff in the second half of the movie was the presence of a nose. (I'll probably get a few flames from that, but my mom perceived it the same way.)

This also seems to have a surprising following in modern critical essays, probably from people who saw the movies before they read the book, thus tainting their reading of it. Most appropriately, essays following "Sweet" Catherine Earnshaw don't have many supporting book quotes.

Interpretation #2: Wuthering Heights Sucks
The title comes from one of its basic tenants: rarely do people with this theory like the book. The few places you'll find it advocated by someone who doesn't are in older critical essays and a few contemporary (i.e. from when it was first published) reviews. More specifically, this interpretation finds both Catherine and Heathcliff completely unlikeable and annoying characters who are totally unrelatable and made for each other because they're so horrible. Google "most annoying characters in literature" and read the first ten results. Many will list off Catherine and Heathcliff in words similar to what I used in the previous sentence.

Unlike "Sweet" Catherine Earnshaw, this one is actually rather plausible. For starters, it assumes the correct interpretation of Catherine's character, acknowledging her selfish desire to control both Heathcliff and Edgar, how she manipulates people to always get her own way, and her lack of understanding for anyone else's needs and desires.

The portrayal of Heathcliff is also partially correct. It ignores his depths and denies him much character development, but at least consistently understands part of his character. Heathcliff is very vengeful, cruel, manipulative, a wife-beater, and holds grudges. (He takes "My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever" to even greater lengths than Mr. Darcy!) But Interpretation #2 fails to understand what Tvtropes calls the "Start of Darkness," the character development which defines exactly why someone became a villain. Heathcliff is much more complex and more sympathetic when you take into account how Hindley demoted him to servant, Catherine constantly rebuked the results of his degradation, his one love married for money instead of love, and then, upon his return where he became filthy rich for the above mentioned one love, wanted to have him on a leash while keeping Edgar's money. It doesn't excuse what he ended up doing, but he becomes (another Tvtropes term) a woobie that is far more likeable.

People who ascribe to this may like a minor character in the novel and put up with the annoying main characters for him. Hareton seems surprisingly popular, maybe because he's played by Mr. Darcy in the 1998 version.

I can relate to this far more than "Sweet" Catherine Earnshaw, and would take it up if I didn't like Wuthering Heights so much and had a problem with the simple interpretation of Heathcliff. Still, I can understand where proponents of this one are coming from and don't condemn them like I do followers of Interpretation #1.

Interpretation #3: Draco In Leather Pants Heathcliff
I'm full of Tvtropes today, aren't I? Draco in Leather Pants is where a character's flaws are minimized and made more desirable by the fandom. The title may be a bit misleading because this doesn't always fit that definition, but is often accused of being that way by proponents of the above two interpretations because it takes a far more sympathetic view of Heathcliff than they usually do.

Sometimes it does, and that is a sub-interpretation of this called "'Sweet' Heathcliff" because it's basically #1 with the roles reversed. Just replace "Catherine" with "Heathcliff"  and vice versa in the definition sentence of "Sweet" Catherine Earnshaw. It's pretty straightforward and not entirely justified in the novel, like the straight interpretation is.

That one (and it also happens to be the one with the most justification in the book) thinks of Catherine the same way Wuthering Heights Sucks does, but takes into account Heathcliff's full development and complexity also detailed under Interpretation #2. Beyond that, it splits the antagonist title between more characters. Catherine and Hindley are the main antagonist because they're the ones who first push forward the plot by their actions when they abuse Heathcliff and marry Edgar for unbelievably selfish reasons. Heathcliff's villainous actions are more numerous than theirs, but he is a secondary antagonist because his actions are reactionary to Catherine's and Hindley's. (He would become a main antagonist after he takes revenge on the second generation but his affection for Hareton redeems him in my mind, especially because Cathy and Linton are so-freaking-annoying that I can't hold his actions towards them against him.)

I don't believe there's enough evidence to consider Nelly Dean and Edgar antagonists, but nor are they protagonists. Edgar let Catherine step on him for most of their marriage and is as annoying as his daughter and nephew. I think every reader became enraged at Nelly when she said she would think about telling Cathy's father about Linton, and then walked straight to his room and told him. Most importantly, most of them don't actively move the plot enough to be anything but supporting characters.

Isabella Linton is probably portrayed the most positively and tragically in the book. I always thought she was stupid for marrying Heathcliff, though, and would use that word to describe her. Why else does she say that Heathcliff is really attached to Catherine and then elopes with him a week later? She does have some inferred negative points, too - the only explanation for Linton's spoiledness is her poor parenting. Like Edgar and Nelly Dean, she doesn't move the plot enough to be considered anything but a supporting character.

Wuthering Heights, then, doesn't really have a traditional hero. In my final Tvtropes term, I'm going to say it's a book where the main characters are villain protagonists, and it's wrong to look for classic heroes the way "Sweet" Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff twist the story to find. To properly understand Wuthering Heights the reader has to study the angles of the characters and see them more as complex human beings rather than stereotypes that poor literature has made us expect. That's one of the great things about the book - all the characters are developed enough that they seem realistic. Not one fits a simple cliche. Combined with the power of Emily Brontë's writing, I'm not surprised that such a well-developed book is my favorite.


Next Topic: Top Ten Old Nightwish songs
Listening To: "Wuthering Heights" by Pat Benatar, whose voice I like better than Kate Bush's. It's a song example of Interpretation #1.
Reading: I'm almost done with Book I of Paradise Lost