Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Book Review: Kisses From Hell


It is time to do my first book review, but my excitement is waned by the wish that the book, an anthology of vampire short stories I bought last Saturday at a local bookstore, is better. I had high hopes for it; its authors were teen fiction celebrities such as Kristin Cast, Alyson Noël, and Kelley Armstrong. Some lived up their reputation while others did not.

1. "Sunshine" by Richelle Mead
Character Development: 10
Storyline: 6
Vampires: 3
This was a very good choice for the first selection. It was very well-written, had interesting, developed characters, and left a really good impression on the reader. None of the future stories matched its character development because they painted their characters as stereotypes, whereas Mead presented us, in the first sentence no less, with the protagonist's strengths and faults, causing the reader to relate to him before the story even began.

The story goes like this: A group of around 30 Moroi vampires just graduated from high school and are taking a yacht to a private island to celebrate. Just before the yacht arrives Strigori vampires attack but are staked by dhampir guardians. The protagonist's mother was killed by Strigori so he was troubled the attack, but his girlfriend and most of the other graduates are laughing about it. On the boat the protagonist, Eric, meets Rhea, the fiancee of one of his classmates, the only other person shaken by the Strigori and who remembers the accident where his mother died. The rest of the plot is predictable: Eric and Rhea find themselves attracted to each other, some external circumstance forces them to be alone in each other's company for an extended period of time where they realize they love each other, Eric saves Rhea's life, and they break up with their girlfriend/fiance. I would've rated the story higher if the final four chapters didn't come straight out of the "How to Write a Romantic Comedy" handbook.

I have major problems with the "vampires" presented in the novel. The Moroi are described as "live" vampires compared to the Strigori . . . wait! Aren't vampires described as UNDEAD creatures of the night for a reason? The dead part is rather important. I would look over that if other common vampiric signs were present, but the Moroi can go out in sunlight without any problems, eat human food, and lack super strength or speed to the extent that a human "feeder" (bloodbank) is a worthy opponent. Really. The dhampir guardians are more badass than they are, as are the real vampires Strigori. I never felt like I was reading a vampire novel, so it's good I read this anthology before going onto Mead's Vampire Academy series which takes place in the same world.

2. "Bring Me to Life" by Alyson Noël
Character Development: 4
Storyline: 8
Vampires: 9
This is my favorite story in the collection. It follows Danika Kavanaugh as she arrives at a prestigious art academy full of mysteries. The only other student there is a boy named Bram even though there was supposed to be five. Danika keeps having this dream she is trying to paint which comes to life in a dramatic ballroom scene where the sensuous dream guy, Lucian, comes to life and needs her kiss to complete him. Bram comes in and stops her, telling her Lucian is a vampire who needs her soul to complete him. Danika listens to Bram and Lucian is destroyed. She wakes up to find out that she was part of a love triangle between twins Bram and Lucian and destroyed the mansion as she tried to leave it. The art school was a  tool to get her to return so her presence could rebuild the place. It reminded me of The Vampire Diaries meets Beauty and the Beast, and the scenery was magnificent. Very enjoyable and well-written.

The vampire elements are weak in the story, but they are, from what was given, true vampires. Immortal, survive on blood, and undead. The only thing I dislike is that vampires weren't prominent enough to develop it as a true vampire short story.

3. "Above" by Kristin Cast
Character Development: 0
Storyline: 0
Vampires: 0
Kristin Cast. Coauthor of the best-selling
House of Night 
series. 
I will not read. Ritualistic paganism and goddess worship.
                       I hate.
Random MacGuffin
Still well-written, very well-written, a million 
and THOUSAND
and a bajillion times better than the Twilight.                                           saga. 
"Above".                            Not.                                              that.
A million times worse.
than ANYTHING.
Stephenie Meyer's pen wrote.
Complete 
randomness. 
Publisher deserves to be SHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTSHOTSHOT. now!!!!!!!! 
No. 
sentence. 
longer. 
than. 
twenty. 
words. EVEREVEREVEREVEREVEREVEREVEREVEREXCEPTFORTHESELONGWORDREPEATSEVERVEREVEREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! No plot. 
sucks.sucks.sucks.sucks.sucks.

Where to begin? Almost the entire thing is written like the above "paragraph," except this word processor does not let me randomly throw the sentences around the page enough. I also think that paragraph is slightly understandable, a claim "Above" does not have. No sentence is longer than twenty words, punctuation in the middle of sentences causes thousands of fragments, random capitalization and repeated words, excessive use of exclamation marks, and paragraphs spliced up all over the page in what must be an editor's nightmare. It automatically scored a zero in all the categories because I was unable to follow it. Is it a vampire novel? How should I know? What is the plot? If there is one, I will need the Rosetta Stone to discover it. There are occasional clear paragraphs, but they serve no purpose when I cannot understand 98% of it. I wonder just how much of the House of Night series Kristin Cast actually wrote . . .

4. "Hunting Kat" by Kelley Armstrong
Character Development: 7
Storyline: 6
Vampires: 4
This was a nice reprieve after suffering through "Above." Kelley Armstrong is one of my favorite authors, and her Darkest Powers series is the best written paranormal romance popular today. "Hunting Kat" takes place in the same world as that series, so I was super-hyped to see what her vampires would be like, something I had been wondering ever since I read The Summoning. I was disappointed. They can go out in sunlight with no problem, eat human food (although that one might be a result of genetic modification), have slightly enhanced senses, and lack super strength and speed. At least they're dead, but still. Werewolves are more powerful. Why do modern authors feel so original debunking traditional vampire characteristics? It is no longer original. Original would be following Dracula's characteristics word-for-word, since no one has done that in the last ten years.

The story is excellent: A newly-made vampire, Kat, is in an automobile accident and taken to a prison where she meets two other vampires, although they haven't died yet and aren't full-fledged vampires. They escape and one of them, Chad, is revealed to not only not be a vampire, but a secret agent for the Edison Group. Kat and the Simon expy knock him out and go on their way. They argue, Kat runs ahead, and comes back to find the Simon expy has been captured. She frees him and meets up with her vampire guardian. As a short story, it's poor. There are a lot of unanswered questions and a very open ending, but it would make a great chapter at the beginning of a novel, which I think is its purpose. The lack of characterization may also be the result of that.

5. "Lilith" by Francesca Lia Block
Characterization: 8
Storyline: 7
Vampires: 10
Finally, good old-fashioned vampires! Undead, dislike sunlight, preference for black clothing . . . it's all there. A well-deserved ten.

The protagonist is a geeky loner who daydreams about a science fiction world he is creating. Then he meets Lilith, another social outcast named Lilith, who turns him into a vampire. Together they kill the bullies that made Paul Michael's life living hell, and Lilith runs off, leaving Paul Michael to take comfort in his vampirism. The story is straightforward, but the twist at the end is very interesting. It's also the only one that portrayed vampires with complexity: yes, living forever is a gift, but it can also be a curse.

Listening to: "Tears of an Angel" by Ryandan
Reading: I'm back to Paradise Lost

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